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~ Kathy M.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Twenty Three Years Ago Today ...

It looks like he is thinking, "Oh my Lord, what have I gotten myself into?"

.. our baby boy, Nigel, was born.  Happy Birthday, Son!  You have truly been a blessing to us all.  Happy, smart, handsome and born with the gift of words, we all love you very much.

Nigel was born in my third stage of life (my first stage was when I was growing up, my second stage was my first marriage, my third stage was my second marriage and my fourth stage is my third marriage and present life.)   

Before Nigel was born, I already had his two sisters, and his father already had his three brothers.  We were like the Brady Bunch, except that we were much more dysfunctional.  Us parents, not the kids.  My role was being the co-dependent.  I was pretty good at it for awhile.

A campout in the garage. These guys were pretty easy to please and went with the flow.  The dog is Lucy.

That third life, which lasted for twelve years, wasn't very easy for me.  We were always broke. We had six kids sometimes living in three different towns. And, if you have seen the movie Silver Linings Playbook, well, that is what it was like inside our home.  I'm just sayin', and I will leave it at that.  Watch the movie, and then you will understand.

I used to focus on the bad parts of those twelve years, but now am trying to just remember the good times.  We, even me, are smiling in our pictures, so there must have been a lot of good times too (especially in the early years). 

I have lost touch with the three boys, but I hear about them through Nigel and my Mom, and sometimes my girls run into them too.  We all moved forward and are for the most part doing fine, except for one of the boys, who has been battling a decade of drug addiction.

So, there you go, another little tidbit about me.  If I had never met that difficult husband, I never would have had Nigel or been step-mother to the three boys, so no regrets.  But, I will just say that all the little sayings floating around about how we draw bad things into our lives by our choices, etc., etc. ... sometimes we are just too nice and let ourselves get involved with others who need more than we have to give. More than any one person can give. They seem to have a God-sized hole that the other person is expected to fix.  And sometimes, we need to get out to keep our own sanity and to stay safe.  Another option would be them taking responsibility for their behavior, getting some help and playing nice with others.  Once again, I'm just sayin.'

This is not your normal birthday message, but I don't think any of that side of the family reads my blog anyway. I'm still working through all of my baggage but have at least reached the level of forgiveness, believe it or not.  I am very grateful for my son though!

~ Kathy M.

This song is about war, but I always think of it when somebody who can't even run their own life tries to run mine and then tries to blame me for how messed up things get.  I never did buy that logic.  "Sunshine" by Jonathan Edwards:

I am aware that some people will not appreciate my words, but those living through the same hard times that I did just might.

I am linking this post to Pamela Kuhn's "A Sheltering Tree" weekly blog hop, Share the Shelter.  When you are all through here at Oregon Gifts, please hop on over there to see some lovely and inspirational posts. 

At Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy, if you miss a day, you miss a lot!  All material on this post is copyrighted and not for use without my permission ...Please click here to go to my home page and see what is happening in Mayberry today.
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Grammy Goodwill said...

I keep learning more about you, Friend, but don't count on me to remember any of it!

Little Nell said...

It's a wonderful 'mummy' picture and the main thing is that you are really happy now.

Kathy A. Johnson said...

Sounds like you're quite introspective on Nigel's birthday. It's amazing how much you've packed into your life so far, and how you seem (and I hope you are) to be quite happy and content with where you've come to. Wishing Nigel a happy birthday, and you simply a happy, happy day.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Nigel is lucky to have such an insightful mom. I bet he already knows that--and happy birthday to him!

Your photo comment about Nigel wondering what he got himself into made me hoot out a laugh. I bet all babies feel that way!

Your comment about forgiveness brought to mind a quote I saw the other day:

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." ~ Buddha

You are right to forgive. It is good medicine.

Nick Wilford said...

Happy Birthday Nigel. I love the caption too!

Interesting to read more about your family, and I'm glad you're in a good place with forgiveness.

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

Gorgeous pictures, and a very Happy Birthday to Nigel!

It appears you've gone through a lot only to come out the other side an altogether kind and happy human being. Pleased for you :)

Linda Reeder said...

I would not have guessed that you had these dark days in your past, given how up beat you always sound in the short time I have "known" you. Congratulations on overcoming all of that and happy birthday to that son who is one of the good things to come out of it.

Alan Burnett said...

Lovely photograph. Your Nigel is the same age as our Alexander. And what we both bot ourselves into all those years ago was a great deal of happiness.

KathyB. said...

Kathy, you seem so positive in spite of the bad times, and I think a son like Nigel is a gift from God encouraging your outlook. Happy birthday Nigel !

I thank you for sharing a bit more about yourself, it is good getting to know you.

Tammy said...

I've had computer issues again lately, so I'm so glad they've stopped long enough for me to come here. Put me down as one of those people who appreciates and is inspired by every word. You brought tears to my eyes, Kathy. My goal is forgiveness, too, so it's encouraging that you are there - and I'm happy for you. Happy (belated) birthday to Nigel!

Pamela said...

Life sure has highs and lows. Forgiveness is a step to a beautiful soul. And yours is certainly beautiful.

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